There comes now and again a car that has the balls to have no personality whatsoever. A car that earns respect by simply going fast. A car that is so bad that I would rather drown my youngest son and stab him repeatedly while I am drowning him than own one. I'm talking about the ugly, uncouth, unoriginal, cold, stifling and German (Oh great)- Bugatti Veyron. What's even worse is that they turned the grand name of Bugatti into a festering putrid bag of mouldering faeces. By they I mean Volkswagen. Typical for a German company to take a classic name like Bugatti and deform it into an indescribable mass of passionless vomit. So let us continue with what is my first but, judging by the state of this sick world we live in, certainly not the last negative review, this about the Bugatti Veyron. First off, let's look at the exterior. A German would say that the exterior is highly aerodynamic and technically perfect- the body of a true supercar. I would say to you that the exterior bears resemblance to a heat seeking missile- It does its job as effectively and efficiently as possible but is cold and unforgiving. Just look at this- it's the kind of thing Steven Hawkings would imagine. The retro styled grille just looks out of place, like the engineers just threw it on at the last minute. A shameless and perverted attempt to somehow try to win back the classic car enthusiasts' favour. Hah! So now we come to the numbers. The average soulless, penisless and sadistic German would go into epileptic fits of joy at this point and relay enthusiastically the Veyron's incredible top speed and its mind numbing engine displacement figures. I simply glance disgustedly at the figures and spit on them. I do owe it to my readers to show these figures, however, so here goes. The top speed is 253 miles per hour (like anyone gives a s##t), nought to sixty takes 2.5 seconds and 0-100 takes 5.2 seconds. It can do a standing quarter mile in 10 seconds and has 1001 brake horsepower. Happy? Cause I'm sure not! Those inbreeding Jew -burning Hitler- idoling idiots that are the German race have destroyed Bugatti! I mean, look at what those French geniuses used to come up with- the exquisite Bugatti Royale. This masterpiece was twenty one feet of style, flair and soul. Only six were ever made- mostly due to the fact that the world was in depression. But this was the ultimate in status symbols- If you owned one you were known as the unparalleled success story of your generation. The Veyron makes you look like the unparalleled prick of your generation- the sort of person who bores people to tears with your lap times and has an overhead projected timer bolted on your windscreen. Germans live in a strange world of car production- that every part if a car must have a purpose. They frown upon emphasis on aesthetics or character. They pride themselves on their wastelessness, full efficiency and little compromise. Their idea of a dream car is something like the Veyron- a soulless robot, neutral and unbiased, that is simply a bucket load of science and maths. They are so wrong. When will those spawns of Lucifer learn that a good car is not something you make with your head- it's something that you make with your heart. Never forget your heritage, Bugatti- The Royale was known as the best car ever made! Don't listen to those crap eating Germans. Be bold. Be brilliant. Be inspired. Be Bugatti.
